When
did sibling rivalry begin? Hi everybody this is Rebecca Powell for Baby
Talk Radio. I was talking with my friend Kathy shortly before my second
child was born and she was telling me about some things that I could do to
help my firstborn Dahna with the transition involved in having a new baby at
home.
Kathy
was really adamant about letting me know that Dahna would be jealous of her
new brother. I don’t get it I told her. I really just don’t understand
what is sibling rivalry all about? So Kathy put it for me this way, she
said Rebecca what if your husband came home one day with a new wife. Then I
completely understood what she was talking about.
At
first glance a new baby is not so bad. There is plenty of attention from
family and friends and nothing tops the glory of the spotlight shining on
big brother or big sister because after all a baby doesn’t really do
anything except eat and cry and dirty lots of diapers. However, this little
baby begins to grow and big brother or big sister who was once the star of
the family show finds that now he has to share the stage.
The
baby begins to babble and coo and then that little baby is crawling around
and grabbing big brother or big sisters toys. The new baby is also cute
enough that he can get attention from strangers and of course mom and dad
are all tied up. In a matter of months the new baby has managed to steal
the one man show that his sibling has successfully staged all of his life.
So where does sibling rivalry start?
It
starts with the child’s realization that there is someone that could
possibly take his place in the family. Anyone who has brothers and sisters
understands what its like to grow up in a family with siblings. As parents
we don’t really understand how to deal with sibling rivalry because our
parents didn’t really understand what to do about us.
In
attempting to resolve sibling rivalry many times parents can only make
things worse and this is because most parents believe that you have to be
fair. Everything has to be fair. If you do for one child you must do for
the other. That is a faulty assumption! It will get you into all kinds of
trouble because unless they are twins children are not on a level playing
field.
An
older child should not be treated the same as a younger one. In many ways
the daily friction that accompanies sibling rivalry can be overcome by
simply treating your children differently. Let me give you some examples.
Let’s look at birthday gifts – birthday gifts are for the person who is
celebrating her birthday.
It’s
an important day that recognizes the precious gift of life given to that
child. If everyone gets a gift the birthday girl or boy special day isn’t
quite so special anymore. How about bedtimes? Bedtimes can and should be
determined by age. That’s one of the ways you deal with sibling rivalry.
You put into practice in your home that kids will be treated differently
with a privilege such as a later bedtime you might also want to tie in of
course with responsibility such as wet bath towels have been hung up to dry
each night.
Allowances – most babies don’t get allowances; when you think ahead if you
have an older sibling then how about using an allowance as a way to show
that older child that he really is older and ready for some responsibility.
What drives a child away from sibling rivalry is allowing them to see that
they are each different.
When
any child understands that they hold a valuable spot in the family, a place
that only they can fill, it will diffuse the fire of sibling rivalry. I’d
love for you to visit me on the web at
http://www.rebeccapowell.com. Thanks for listening.
