Transcripts

Hi baby Talk Radio listeners, this is Iris Waichler, author of Riding the Infertility Rollercoaster: A Guide to Educate and Inspire.  I wanted to talk today about adoption considerations.  To those of fighting the infertility battle and experiencing failure adoption is an alternative that usually ensures you’ll have a child. 

It can be a very difficult and prime time to switch gears and adjust to the loss of the genetic link with your child.  The most important question to ask yourself is whether you are capable of adopting.  Will you be able to love, bond and accept a child with no genetic or biological connection to you and your partner?  Also, you need to think about whether the child can do the same with you. 

Adoption offers you and your partner a chance to parent together and it may feel good for you to build a home and a family with a child who did not previously have that opportunity.  You need to recognize that with adoption there may still be some ups and downs.  For example, a birth mother may change her mind. 

Initially with adoption you need to make a number of very critical and important decisions.  Do you go through an agency or through a lawyer and do a private adoption?  Do you have an international or domestic adoption? Domestic adoption means somewhere in the United States and International is somewhere else in the world.  Remember if you do an International adoption the deciding law is the law of that particular country that the child is adopted from.  The final adoption decree also comes from the child’s birth country. 

Think carefully about whether or not you want to choose to adopt a child with your ethnic or racial background.  Ask yourself if you feel strongly about adopting a brand new baby or do you think you might feel comfortable with an older child?  Sometimes it’s a quicker process to adopt an older child.  Are you tied to the notion of adopting one child or would you consider adopting a sibling as well? 

And also ask yourself – do you want an open adoption meaning the birth mom would have an ongoing involvement with you and your child or would you prefer a closed adoption or a confidential adoption meaning there would be total confidentiality and anonymity and you would not have any relationship with the biological parents. 

Think about what you will tell your family and friends about this adoption and also very importantly what would you say to your adopted child about where he or she came from.  Spend a lot of thoughtful time considering these issues carefully and talking with your partner about it.  If you do know other adoptive parents it would be very useful to spend some time talking with them about their perspective.  The answers to these all important questions that I’ve outlined will lead you to your next steps. 

In my next broadcast I want to spend some time talking about International versus Domestic adoptions.  Good luck to you on your infertility journey. Thanks very much.